#3—Companionships
Creation Date: 2022/11/26
The 1990's was a wild time for me to grow in. I found myself in seasonal sports and my academics. When I say I found myself, what I want people to know is I found belonging and my will to go be great in life. When it came to athletics, I pushed myself to perfect my abilities, acquire intangibles in bodily motion, motivation, and a strong mentality for preparing to play, a strong mentality for how I would view the experience during and after gametime, and a strong mentality in understanding personal goals and team goals.
As I developed what I believed was a good and proper mentality in preparation for athletics, I felt so alive ready for the whistle to sound, the umprire to yell "Play ball!", the tip-off, the gun to start running. I would always prepare for the start by getting loose, communicating with teammates that whatever happens that we come out of the experience together knowing some things are not in our control and that there is no need to stress ourselves, no blame for defeat, because to simply compete is the blessing in itself. To conquer an opponent without sportsmanship, statesmanship, or helping an opponent back up after falling on the field isn't a proper experience; it's a battle, a war. There is no wisdom to be acquired for the sportsman in a battle, for what we gain is an egoist mentality and that does not and did not feel proper to me.
There was always academics in times when sports didn't feel right, or properly played at times. In academia, it felt instantiated to myself, I was in more control of outcomes in the fields of study. Of course, we may study our performance after a game or a course, but the next game, the next course to run seems nearly impossible to duplicate. Academia allows me to replicate my understanding of the field, allow the reprovable to reprove in a moments notice. The wisdom to acquire in academia provides me a path of servitude to my community, that travels with me, becoming intangible to my ability to communicate to anyone with necessities. Academia can create companionship that athletics may create shortcommings in if a proper mentality is found lacking in times of preparation for, during, and after competing.
Companionship through academia for me required an approach similar to preparing for a round of golf. In golf, there is no competition if that is your mentality. In golf, I control my outcome, my final score. Comparing golf to academia, if I dedicate the time and effort to acquiring wisdom by studying, trusting my academic teacher's, or professor's presentation of the course material, the wisdom in the objects of study would allow me to come out of the singularity of study ready to collaborate and create a better life not for myself alone, but for other people. To acquire wisdom for myself and myself alone creates an egoist mentality I just don't want to have. I do not want to have an ego when approaching a new experience. I want to lift up others spiritually, pull them out of singularity into multiplicity, create companionships, create responsibly utopia!
Companionships is something I found hard to acquire at times, but I have never given up hope for life-long companions. My traumatic experiences in life seemed to bring me down to a mentality foreign to me when I reached the mid-20's in age. I felt I had found companions at a young age, it's just that I kept wanting to bring virtuous living into the lives of my companions. We were quirky, adament about things such as work life, financial security, and a good drink! When there was trauma in my life, nothing got me through it all like good drinks, good music, and my companions. And then, in my mid-20's I felt it was time to open up to my companions about trauma from the past, and it seemed to unravel multiplicity through companionship and I started feeling like I was in a singular state, rejected, unwanted. For the next year after expressing myself to my companions, I hibernated for a year. I had such emotional turmoil I decided to seek an academic to help me work through first the rejection, and then get to the trauma, because the rejection I felt when I believed so strongly in the bonds I felt I formed with my companions was boggling my mind. I wasn't sure what to expect from strangers in the academic field when it came to helping me work through my thought processes, my emotions I was feeling, but I was lost in wisdom and my mentality prep and pep had been lacking. I was letting loose to often. I was partying to much.
Yes, I loved to let loose with my companions by my side because the smiles, the laughter, the conversations felt like an elevated state of being. I didn't want the good times to ever pass. As great as the times I had with familia and companions, I understand now that wisdom I had acquired in academia started to pass from my memorial processes. A work and play mentality after turning the age of 21 was taking over me. I was digressing away from seeking life outside the place I was raised in, using all the wisdom I had previously acquired to lift up spiritually yet befriended strangers far and wide. I had paused the aquisition of new wisdom entirely while letting the good times roll. And I wasn't laying to rest the past traumatic experiences properly, keeping a proper mentality in check.
To the companions from times I feel I can cherish for all times, you were all what I needed to feel joyous in a multiplicity I believe so strongly was an epic experience that lasted years. Years! I thought about our time together with such reverence for who you all were as people, your personas, your confidence, the approaches to responsible fun I felt our elders would be proud of. The joy of your company, companionship I felt we shared, our outlooks on our futures, the ways in which we found each other, how we would leave each day and night together, I never felt singularity, only multiplicity.
I want my companions from my past to know, I am finding my approach to proper mentalities as I once had before I felt a singularity I did not once believe I could find myself in knowing you all. The experiences that I have had relearning a better, a proper mentality preparation, "pep-erations", working with academics to overcome the trauma, I am again finding my spirituality, my confidence little by little. I am becoming more faithful in a Living God, in letting time and wisdom help me heal spiritually, and that I shouldn't have tried to quicken outcomes that stressed my relationships because I didn't stop to reason a proper mentality when approaching the step I took to confide in you all.
If my companions find themselves on my blog and read my articles, I have missed us, the multiplicity. I am going to write about my experiences inpatient and outpatient in the Office of Mental Health's affiliated programs. There are going to be unpleasant experiences and there are going to be some experiences that were actually quite helpful in understanding the dis-order in proper mentality approachment for preparing to enter new life experiences and the "pep-erations" I used to have while the experience was taking place. Not only that, but for proper mentalities for the outcomes of the experiences I may have, or had. Please, please, please, prepare and approach my articles first with a "C'est la vie", but try to remember our multiplicity, my smile, my laughter, the confidence I once had. You were all heros to me! Champions for causes of grace and times of joy!
Be at peace with how I left things all those years ago to find my spirituality again, proper mentality again, knowing I have found myself back in academia finding new wisdom, pulling past wisdom from the void of my memorial processes. I hope we can once again meet and you know, catch up as if the longest vacation I have ever took simply ended. Yes, I was told I had dis-order in thought processes, and I agree with the academics. The academics said it's going to be a life-long "battle", and these articles are going to be the best way for me to communicate my life experience, before, during, and after times spent with mental health academics.
If you read a little, and then want to say hi, I would love to get in touch. It's just hard for me to communicate because of this "medicine" the academics want me to take. The way the "medicine" works is that it limits my abilities to carry on a train of thought. It's as if the academics don't want me to process information at all, or retain information in memory for that matter. At least traumatic experiences tend not to come in flashbacks like they were. It's just that I can barely remember the epic times we shared in multiplicity. It's kind of sad I am not allowed all the good memories either.
I'll write articles about the medicine. Side-effects are real! Pretty sure I died once after taking one pill. I will write about that experience to.
I will end this blog article with a dedication to all of my companions.